Will's Musings: Blogging about life's experiences

Commencement.

It’s a very popular term this time of year. And for some, much more impactful than for others. 

It’s also a term with more than one definition. In the form commencement, it garners meaningful images of a formal, celebratory and ceremonial time of graduation where educational degrees are bestowed. And probably how we find the word used most often.

But at the same time, it can also indicate a beginning or start, in which one phase ends and another begins – as in to commence the next chapter of life. 

It’s like a bittersweet crossroads, really, and where I find myself this weekend. That’s because my first-born, Ashlyn, went through her high school commencement Friday night. It was the 139th of such ceremonies held by Yorkville (Illinois) High School.

To my daughter Ashlyn: I am so proud of you. For reaching this milestone, your spirit for not being afraid of trying new things (like suddenly taking up new sports), all you have accomplished, and all you have endured as one of the few graduating classes in our lifetime forced into a quarantined model of learning for nearly two years (Thank God for being back to mostly “normal” for your final school year!). 

If I’m being completely honest, the idea of sitting at my own child’s high school graduation didn’t really start to hit me until about a week ago. Starting last Saturday having coffee on the deck, on a day in which Mother Nature finally provided a morning conducive to doing so. It was quiet before the family woke up, sunny, admiring the right things were blooming and turning green as they were supposed to (and cursing the dandelions). 

Then without warning the Google searches started: “How to cope with your child leaving for college.”  

In between the whirlwind the past few weeks of the final choir concert, senior music awards, senior night on the soccer field, and senior prom, in between all the usual family activities, the thought of Ashlyn stepping foot on school property for the final time as a student just came out of nowhere.

Boom. Like a ton of bricks. Blink of an eye. Just like that. All of those clichés. As tired, old and overused (and annoying) as they are, yup, they’re all true. 

Reflecting back on raising a young family and after having one of the inevitably tough, hair pulling days that every parent experiences, it was occasionally suggested to me, “Don’t wish these days away.” Sure there might be a few moments that we’d all rather forget, but there has been so many more I wish I could go back and recreate: Just me and her going out for ice cream and mini-golf after the first day of those early school years. The many annual daddy/daughter dances, Friday night lights, and yes, even the ibuprofen-inducing cheerleading competitions. Really where do you commence, if you will? 

For the graduates with the whole world ahead of them and on the edge of something new and exciting and ready to move on, it’s time to continue being active in crafting and shaping your story, as Yorkville’s 2022 Salutorian remarked. Every part is important. Keep leaving your legacy and never stop writing your story (or be afraid to). 

For parents, guardians and siblings, who have “graduated” into the next phase of life, it seems to me, at least at this point, our roles will be the same, but in a distinctively different context. Commencing a new chapter of reshaping family life as we’ve known it and adapting to a new way of life to fill the holes left by activities dictated by the school year. 

The huge sense of “loss” isn’t quite there yet, but it is definitely looming.  

There is another school age child in the house, my son, who is on the cusp of entering high school. So it’s not a total sense of completely ripping off the band aid – yet. But as we’ve learned, four years of high school goes by (insert one of those lame clichés here). With a much more active social life of friends, activities, learning to drive, and overall freedom), it starts with feeling like your student just put on skis at the top of the mountain. Before you know it, you’re in the lodge commiserating over their awesome journey down the slopes of twists, turns, and moguls they sidestepped (and watched them wipe out on), and then sit back as they fearlessly jump on the chair lift to the next, more experienced hill. 

One of the benefits of living in the exurbs of Chicagoland (we are not close enough to be recognized as located in one of the suburban collar counties) has been the small town feel (There really is a “Town Square Park” that is literally one block square in the middle of town here). Purely by having a school age student or two, add in a few extra curricular activities, a park district sports team, and/or a youth focused organization like Scouts, and it becomes very common, almost a daily occurrence, to run into someone you know when you turn down an aisle in the grocery store, at the home improvement center, or one of the local watering holes. 

After growing up in the northwest suburbs of Chicago where neighboring communities average 60,000 residents, living in a standalone community of just over 20,000 has been a refreshing change. This has been a great community to live and play. 

It might sound selfish but I believe commencement is a time for everyone (graduates and parents alike) to reinvest time and energies in themselves. I’m hoping I can lean on my tight-knit “community” for support, advice and help fill in the gaps. For my friends and colleagues who have already been down this road, what are the ways you’ve commenced into this new phase of life? Would love to hear about it – let the suggestions commence 😉!